“How do I cope when life feels so uncertain?”
Content provide by Jessica Bonney Social Worker, Cancer Centre of Southeastern Ontario at Kingston General Hospital
This is a question I hear almost daily in my work as a social worker at a Cancer Centre. I hear this question from men and women, young and old, from those who are newly diagnosed and those who have completed treatment. People affected by cancer often feel vulnerable. This can make you question your ability to cope and feel like you lack the right tools for the job. I am here to remind you that you have the right tools to live a full life while living with uncertainty.
Just like every person is different, every person’s cancer experience will be different. Despite this, most people find that cancer changes their perspective on life in some way. It can lead you to question and redefine your priorities. It can lead to both desired and unwanted changes in your life. Cancer can make the future seem less clear. We all live with uncertainty in our lives, but it can seem amplified by cancer.
So, how do you cope during these times of uncertainty? Start by opening your toolbox and taking a look inside. Chances are you have encountered other challenges in your life. For some people, these challenges have been tragic, while for others they are small compared to the present. Regardless, you have tried out tools to help you cope in the past. Consider what worked and what didn’t. This gives you hints to what will be helpful now. Tools that have been helpful can stay in the toolbox. Those that have not need to leave to make room for new ones. Be aware that some tools can feel helpful at the time, such as excessive alcohol use or emotional eating, but their usefulness is temporary and can be harmful. Try to take steps to remove these tools from the box.
Some tools tend to benefit most people. One of these is social support. Feeling connected, supported and loved is important. Some find it particularly helpful to connect with people who have shared their experience. They find these people through formal support programs (support groups, online forums, matched peer telephone support, community organizations) and informal connections (meeting other patients/caregivers at a Cancer Centre or being introduced by mutual friends). Regardless of how you make these connections, social support is a tool I encourage everyone to have. This is particularly true during times where you least feel like reaching out. You do not need to be alone.
Another tool that seems helpful to most people is shifting your focus to “living in the moment” or “focusing on today”. When live with uncertainty, long-term planning can feel overwhelming. If this is the case, focus on more immediate plans. Set small, attainable goals. This can be an important strategy that allows you to concentrate on what is within your control.
Other tools are more individual. The list of possibilities is endless, but I will name a few I have been told are useful: arts & crafts, music, journaling, relaxation techniques/meditation, exercise, reading a good book, having a good laugh, gardening, resting, learning a new hobby, recalling happy times….ok, this is more than a few. All of these ideas can be summed up as one tool called “self-care”. Selfcare is an important coping strategy. Those moments of doing something just for you are not an indulgence, they are a necessity. They make you happy and they help you cope. We would all be happier if we allowed ourselves more self-care.
The purpose of talking about tools and toolboxes is not meant to trivialize the challenges of living with uncertainty. Rather, it is to point out that you can do this. You have the skills, based on your past experiences, and you can gather more. Remember, you do not have to face this challenge alone. Cancer care is not only about the treatments, tests and physical check-ups. Cancer care is about caring for the whole person. Talk to your care team, including your family doctor, about how you are living with uncertainty. They can offer you support, suggestions and connect you with helpful resources.
Content provide by Jessica Bonney Social Worker, Cancer Centre of Southeastern Ontario at Kingston General Hospital
